Every single detail, word spoken, flash back recall has ran through my mind over and over again on repeat all day, for the past few days, and up until now. At first I wanted more than anything to turn back time and redo things/restate words to prevent this heartbreak and the loss of something special. But what would be the point of that? To save me all this pain and agony??
… Well that would be absolutely pointless and give life no meaning at all. I shouldn’t regret things, I should only learn from them. From there I can only proceed and progress. And every new day after, is a step forward on the right track to getting me where I want to be.
I’m not perfect, I’ve always made mistakes. Some mistakes so terrible and unbearable, I just wanted to put them all in a secret safe, chain it up, put on masterlocks, attach passcodes, lasers, and even guard dogs at it’s front. Bringing these sort of nightmares back up was antagonizing, heart-wrenching, and sickening. I couldn’t take it, didn’t want to accept it, because the me I was working on being would never do such things. I choked with fear and anxiety, just wanting and hoping you’d only see me for the person I wanted to be and was working on being.
So used to being perfect, I couldn’t admit to the period of my life when I wasn’t.
One single action can destroy everything. It did and things will never be the same. That’s what hurts the most.
Crying, moping, and sulking aint gonna change nothin. Time to slowly but surely get out of bed, take what I’ve learned, and go on.

And even though you’re fed up,
Huh, ya got to keep your head up.
-Tupac Shakur

And if it were really meant to be, then it’ll find it’s way.